Coaching Tips

1. De-clutter your home and office for just 10 minutes a day. Consider whether you really need something before buying it.

2. Figure out how much time you have left after all work, family obligations and commuting. Consciously CHOOSE what you’ll do with this time, and ask yourself if doing this will meet your needs and goals in your life and whether it is healthy for your body, mind, and soul.

3. List 5-10 things that gave you joy as a child, adolescent, young adult, and now. What still gives you joy? Do some of those to keep alive and joyful! Do them alone or find others with whom to do them!

4. Eat fresh, organic, locally-grown, non-processed food as much as possible. Drink enough water. Do not eat sugar unless it’s part of a meal. Beware of things that are disguised and marketed as “food” but which are actually not at all nutritious for human consumption. Stop drinking soda.

5. Use non-toxic & environmentally-friendly home/office/body cleansers. Check the Good Guide (www.GoodGuide.com) to see what is least harmful to human health.

6. Listen to music you love AND enjoy silence and rest occasionally.

7. Each day, think about or list three things you’re grateful for in that moment or for that day.

8. Consider learning Non-Violent Communication (www.CNVC.org) to understand your needs and get them met, learn how to give yourself and others healing empathy, resolve conflicts well, and communicate better with others even if they’re not such great communicators! Consider having your Emotional Intelligence assessed by a Certified EQi, EQ360, or MSCEIT practitioner. Work joyfully to improve your emotional intelligence skills. Share what you learn with others. Practice with others who also value this kind of learning!

9. Recognize that conflict among humans is inevitable and can be a positive thing: when conflict is handled well, it is an opportunity for understanding, growth, connection, and progress. NVC teaches us that a “No” response to a request is a “YES To Something Else”.

10. Delegate whatever you dislike doing or aren’t good at whenever possible! It’s okay to ask for help.

11. When in painful, stressful, or crisis situations, KNOW who your true friends and “loved ones” are. They will give you empathy, and they will love you. They will help you, and they will tell you their honest observations–even if those are hard for you to hear. They will be patient with you, and they won’t judge you. They want the best for you in every way and are concerned with your needs being met. They are very concerned that you are not harmed in any way by anyone or in any situation. They want you to make the best choices for yourself even if those choices are difficult or painful. Know that we all have 10,000 ways to get our needs met. You will heal and you can get your needs met in other ways if current strategies are not working for you.

12. Confront any “isms” within yourself: Sexism, Ageism, Racism, Ableism, Heterosexism, Classism, etc. Learn what systemic privileges you enjoy and consider how you can personally contribute to a world that is ethical, fair, and harmonious. Consider how you spend your time and money in regard to how you would like to do your part to contributing to a more harmonious and egalitarian world. Learn where your money goes when you spend it on a product or service. Check for harm to humans (sweatshop labor) or the environment.

13. Learn, understand, and recognize abusive, coercive, or controlling behavior in yourself and in others. Do your best to clearly understand what these behaviors are, to consciously choose to unlearn them, and to consciously choose to replace them with healthier, non-coercive, non-controlling, non-abusive behaviors. Read credible sources on this topic such as Jackson Katz, Robert Jenkins, Lundy Bancroft, Evan Stark, Virginia Satir, Charles Whitfield, Ann Jones, and Susan Shechter. Make choices to include only safe people in your life, whenever possible. Ask for support from safe sources if you need help in changing your own behavior or in keeping yourself safe from others’ coercive, controlling, or abusive behaviors whether these happen in dating, in intimate relationships, in your family, among friends, in groups, or in your workplace.

14. Remain aware of your rights and responsibilities as a citizen and remain politically active. If you are dissatisfied with something, take action. Our government is of the people, by the people, and for the people. Write letters and get involved in issues that are important to you; it’s your civic duty to vote more than just on election day and make your voice known. Don’t say “They should do this”–YOU ARE “THEY”-so take some action and do your part.

15. Do your best to never betray someone you love or like. Betrayal is often impossible to forgive, and trust is often impossible to repair once it is broken. Betrayal is an act of emotional and psychological violence. When betrayal includes sexual cheating in a relationship, it is an act of emotional, verbal, psychological, physical and sexual violence all at once; as exposure to sexually transmitted diseases is a dangerous and very real consequence of that behavior. Consider agreements you make with loved ones to be sacred and keep them sacred.

16. Hold yourself to the same behavioral standards to which you hold others. When something bothers you about someone ask yourself if you also do what they’re doing. When having a conflict with a friend or partner, review both of your behaviors, needs, feelings, and statements, not just theirs. This is being intellectually honest and fair.