How many of us really know what our needs are? Our physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, relational, and other needs – which change throughout our lives – what are they?
What are they now for you?
Non-Violent Communication (NVC) teaches us to check in with ourselves, give ourselves “self-empathy” and discover what our needs are – and to do this frequently so that we have a sense of what needs are more constant or more fleeting or just more prominent.
How many of us have been taught to understand and discover our needs? How many of us were taught that if we had needs were were “selfish” and that being selfish was a bad thing?
Imagine the improve choices we would all make in everything from food to clothing to educational and career choices to friend and relationship choices if we were very clear about what our needs are!
Check in with yourself today and see what your needs are. Then check in the next day and the next day and the next. Keep a journal of what your needs are.
Also, ask yourself which of your needs you can meet yourself and which you need met by others. Which of your needs can you ask your friends, family, or partner to meet?
Are you aware that your friends, family, and partner do not need to meet all of your needs? How do you feel about that?
Do your friends, family, or partner have needs that you sometimes meet and sometimes do not meet? How do you feel about that?
I highly recommend reading the work of Marshall Rosenberg, Phd for much more on this important topic!
We can expand on this awareness of ourselves to improve our friendships, partnerships, family and work relationships and our relationships to ourselves.
How might this awareness improve your satisfaction in all of those relationships? How might it help you communicate about what you need and aren’t getting? How might it help you make decisions about those relationships or how you relate to others in those relationships?
Right now I have a need for some water to drink, to brush my teeth, to be kissed and cuddled, for some emotionally intimate human connection, for some end of the day humor, and for a good night’s sleep.
What are your needs at this very moment?