I highly recommend NVC (Non-Violent Communication) study and practice for anyone wishing to improve their self-awareness, have their needs met, improve their relationships and communication skills, and be more empathic to self and others. Perhaps most importantly, NVC teaches that we aim to have our needs met, but never at the expense of anyone else’s needs and that this is possible.
NYCNVC, founded and led by Certified NVC Trainer, Thom Bond, is an excellent source for NVC training. Please visit www.NYCNVC.org to learn more.
NVC TOOLS For Men and Women:
Please click on the letters “NVC” (below) to learn more about how NVC can help us all:
NVC Feelings List: www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/feelings-list/feelings-inventory
NVC Needs List: www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/feelings-list/feelings-inventory
Here is an example of why I recommend NVC:
I observe that many of us are in relationships and workplaces in which our needs are not met.
I observe that this is a great source of pain and stress for so many of us.
NVC has helped me learn that I also have core needs for mutuality, joy, well-being, self-expression, purpose, respect, integrity, trust, nurturing, and affection.
When I don’t have my needs met, I experience unpleasant emotions which can be difficult.
NVC taught me that I can identify my feelings which will help me identify my needs.
NVC also taught me that once I identify my needs, there are 10,000 ways in which I can get those needs met.
This is true of all human beings
It’s so simple, yet so profound.
We can all identify our needs and then make conscious choices that will help us get our needs met!
This improves all of our lives, relationships, families, workplaces, teams, groups, and communities.
I make this request of myself: that I continually check in with myself regarding how I am feeling in response to those around me. That I value my feelings and that I check in with myself regarding what my feelings tell me about my needs and whether they are being met or not. That I also value the feelings and needs of others and check in with them when we share a connection that is healthy for us both.
I further request of myself that I value myself, my feelings, and my needs very much–so much that I request of myself that I make conscious choices about my life, actions, relationships, workplace activities, friendships, and use of my time and effort that will meet my needs, but not at the expense of someone else’s needs.
NVC taught me that everything anyone ever does or says is to meet a need of theirs. This can help us understand those who provoke anger, sadness, shock, or disgust from us.
When we practice NVC, we honor our feelings and needs as well as those of others, and we learn simple ways to communicate about these in constructive ways.
We also learn in NVC that when we make a request of someone or when someone makes a request of us, the answers of yes OR no, must be acceptable, otherwise it is not a request, but rather a demand. Ask yourself if you make requests or demands of those in your life. Ask yourself if those in your life make requests or demands of you.
We also learn that when the answer to a request is a NO, that a “NO” is really a “YES To Something Else”. We may need to ask more questions to learn what that is. Communication – Non-Violent Communication.
Practice is key, as most of us were raised and taught the opposite of this. NVC also teaches us that EMPATHY has enormous healing potential. We can shift in conflicts with others. We can approach conflict with the curiosity of an anthropologist or journalist in order to help us understand the other person and connect with him or her.
HOWEVER! We can only offer empathy when we ourselves are not in need of it. If we are hurting and need empathy, we are simply not capable of giving empathy to others. What a wonderful world it would be if everyone was fully aware of their feelings and needs and if everyone was trained in how to give empathy to heal others and themsevles. We can also give ourselves self-empathy.
When empathy is given, conflicts can be resolved. There can be understanding. There can be healing.
Practice is KEY. NYCNVC offers practice groups for those committed to integrating what they learn in NVC class into their lives, which is not so easy when everyone around you has not studied NVC!
NVC can be life-changing. Studying NVC for only one weekend or for nine weeks in a nightly course with a Certified NVC trainer can change your life and give you simple, important tools to enhance your life, your joy, your work, and your relationships with yourself and others!
I hope you will visit the website of Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, who created NVC. It is listed on my blogroll. Please visit your local NVC Certified Trainer for more information! There are only 76 Certified NVC trainers in the US.
NVC works perfectly with sound conflict resolution procedures and with the 15 subscales of the EQi an Emotional Intelligence instrument developed by Reuven Bar-On, Phd. I will expand on how these work well together in future posts.